I’m wandering around in limbo today and hoping that one day will be enough to reset my brain. It’s a problem I’ve had all my life–finish some major project and find myself completely unable to decide what to do next. I’ll dither, starting something, dropping it, and going on to try something else.
NaNo is that kind of project, and even with an unfinished short story open and waiting for me today, I’m in a state of mental paralysis. I used to think there was something wrong with me, but mostly chalked it up to laziness. I just didn’t want to get down to work. Bad me. Get your ass in gear, you lazy bum. But that never worked. When you really can’t make up your mind between options, even desirable ones, then laziness doesn’t explain anything.
Come to discover at the ripe old age of kids grown and gone that I have ADD–Attention Deficit Disorder. It explained not only the in-between paralysis, but a lot of other problems that strong applications of will power had never been able to conquer. So, from a normal person’s point of view, there’s something wrong with me. My brain is wired wrong. From my own point of view, as I’ve come to understand ADD, and myself, better, it’s kind of a blessing in some ways.
But still a curse in some ways. Because I’m easily distracted and something made me forget what the next paragraph was supposed to be about.