Looking Forward, Not Back

I don’t know why there’s such fascination in looking back to the supposed “best” of the previous year. It consumes December, along with the ramp up of in-your-face demands to be cheerful and buy, buy, buy. It’s the month when this semi-hermit retreats even further, trying to avoid the glitter and the omnipresent musak that every store seems to think is necessary. A trip to the Salvation Army and Good Will the other day reminded me that, as long as you’re out in the world — anywhere — Xmas will be thrust on you, like it or not. So I’ve done my thrift store book shopping for the year.

Looking forward will be a long, long exercise in observing the side effects of 2016. It’s bad enough already to give us a glimpse of what the next president will be doing for the next four years — primarily dismantling every humane effort that has managed to survive political, corporate, and military influence, and upping the pain and suffering worldwide.

I haven’t been able to write anything for the last month and I can’t find any spark that would reignite the desire to do so. There are times when I wish I was a normal human being, oblivious to everything that doesn’t concern me personally. But I’m not. I refuse to pretend that wishful thinking will make it so — whatever that “it” may be. I refuse to believe the lies that everything is not only just fine, but getting better all the time.

So where does that leave me? In a limbo in which I pick up one writing project after another, look at it and say, “why bother?” To help pass what little time I have left on this poor earth? Is that enough? I guess I’ll find out.


4 thoughts on “Looking Forward, Not Back

  1. I can understand where you’re coming from, but I can’t just give up. I write and publish because I think I have something to say and I want to make my writing my legacy, although I’m not optimistic that it will survive me for long. Anyway, keep at it! Finish things and publish them, especially in paper! You never know who might discover you along the line of history. Your books might end up in those thrift stores and influence someone’s life.

  2. If you don’t bother, he’s effectively silenced you. He’d love to silence ALL opposition, all functionality, except whatever contributes to his personal bottom line, because weren’t we all made to be his fans and (financial) supporters? Might as well pack it all in.

    If he was the Antichrist, you’d fight back.

    Writers are the last people who should allow themselves to be silenced. Grieve, yes – but then gird your loins and prepare to do your bit to preserve the values you hold dear.

    Depression is a liar. Don’t let the Ds get you. You’re far better than that. But take your time, because where exactly you work for the Resistance is more important than usual.

    Me, I’m working on the same thing: pointing out that disability and chronic illness are not the kiss of death. It will be even more necessary now.

  3. I understand your feelings, Catana. I loathe December and all that it brings. I suffer from a weird kind of SAD every summer, which makes those three months little more than something to be gotten through. But I must also add that I loved the three comments above. There are so many wise and brave people in the world, often unsung, but when you see it in action or hear their voices, even this December hermit feels heartened. Dark moods, emotions – call them what you will – can be virtually crippling for the sensitive person at times, But often they lift of their own accord, in their own time. Hopefully, yours will, too.

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